(Image by zrbuck)

I’m playing a game and all of a sudden I’m keenly aware that I am not far from losing–maybe I followed a trap, I’m getting tired, I forgot something–and I panic. In this moment when I must either accept defeat or employ all means necessary to be on top again, my competitiveness comes out. I make outrageous attempts to regain the edge rather than surrender, and often this involves a form of “breaking the rules.” Usually once a game when I play my partner in chess I’ll ask “can I take that back?” Though it’s become a kind of implicit agreement–we’re okay with take backs sometimes–we rarely set the rule ahead of time. So we have to decide on the rules at that moment, do we change them to accommodate Madi not wanting to lose anymore or not? And if I get a take back, it’s only fair that he would too. We decide together. We make those rules.

Later that day I’m playing a game of “couch tag” at an SDE school I work at with 4 kids. One of them has been IT for a while and suggests a rules change, “you only get to use the base 3 times a game, not once a turn for the person who is IT,” and I’m the only one who asks, “did y’all hear what this kid said and do you agree to that rules change?” Then again when the same kid suggests, “you have to be sitting on the couch before you leave the base, not standing next to it.” And again, I alone question it, “hang on, is this a rule now? Are we all okay with this?” One dissenting kid shouts back, “no!” so we adapt together, we find what we can all agree to in order to keep playing.

Rules create the container for play. What would music be without keys and scales? What would tag be without an IT or base? What is writing without grammar (maybe read Gertrude Stein)? There are rules that go unquestioned, there are rules that are evolving, and there are rules that go unnoticed. People often get angry when rules feel imposed on them without their say–hey! I don’t want to pay that much in taxes! Or, I want my taxes to go to the environment and not the military! Or, I want to post whatever I want on social media! Or, I don’t want to see certain things on my timeline! Or, I didn’t want you to take down Joe Rogan’s podcast! Or, I didn’t want you to take down Neil Young and Joni Mitchell’s music!

Rules, being the container for play, can also be the birthplace of a lot of fun. Perhaps the fun is the struggle against them–how do we come up with something that can go around them? Or perhaps the fun comes from the game itself and grows in spite of the rules tampering it down–just keep playing, no matter what. Who makes the rules that you’re struggling against (could it even be you?) and how can you change them?

PLAY: play is learning. And we can all be learning through play together. Playworkers are adults who encourage self-direction through play for kids. Spaces like play:ground.nyc offer kids an adventure yard with ample space for free exploration and play with only trained playworkers around so as not to inhibit, but rather to facilitate play. Check them out and support them in sharing this work here.