“I think it’s funny when grown ups don’t think it’s the other grown up.”

I laughed along, grateful to be in on the joke despite being legally considered a member of the offending party, “can you elaborate?”

“Grown ups only blame the kids.” The young person talking to me went on to explain how funny they found it when adults are proved false in their accusations that a child was culpable for an unwanted act, such as leaving the sink running, only to find out that the responsible party is another adult instead.

I remember feeling similarly as a kid, wanting to cry out to the adults, “hey, in case you forgot, you’re not perfect and we’re not always messing things up!” But it also makes me wonder when in my life I have blamed the other, they who are unlike me in some way, and been proven wrong? When have I found myself in an eye lock with the wickedness of my assumptions, ignorant as they are? When have those assumptions positioned me above others? And, what am I doing now in my life to remove those ingrained biases?

These are questions no one ever trained me to answer in schools.

These are questions that remind me how self-directed education is liberation work—it’s about seeing children, who are nearly ubiquitously othered and disempowered across global societies, as worthy of respect and safety. And about applying that lens to members of all groups who are othered and disempowered, respecting them and allying against any movements to further harm them.

It’s about what Maleka Diggs and Akilah Richards describe as, “Developing the Disruptor’s Ear,” which is the title of an online workbook they co-authored. I met Maleka and Akilah at an unconference in 2019 NYC on SDE and learned a bit about the work they both do for racial justice and equity in the unschooling movement in addition to the many other forms of service to the movement they both contribute (check out Maleka’s platform at the eclectic learning network here and Akilah’s platform at Raising Free People here).

“Developing the Disruptor’s Ear” is a workbook about learning to listen. It is designed to help folks in self directed communities notice and then disrupt behaviors that act on the power structures of pervasive whiteness and schoolishness. It is applicable for all of us as we have all internalized these biases which are intended to divide, oppress, and harm (it is also for sale, here).

I’ll leave y’all with this thought:

Every time someone like the young person who I quote at the beginning of this piece gives voice to their silent discontent with the way things are, it is far more often an invitation to the table than an act of war, a beginning rather than an end.

RAISING FREE PEOPLE NETWORK: this is an online database of courses from BIPOC thought leaders in SDE and a hub of media and community conversation and support around “the intersection of privilege, parenting, and power.” It is currently the platform that hosts the “Developing a Disruptor’s Ear” course and workbook so I encourage you to check it out along with the other courses listed there. “Raising Free People” is also the title of Akilah’s book which I am currently reading and HIGHLY recommend.