Photo somewhere in the southwest area of Central Park circa 2019

“So, do you wanna know what nine eleven is? Or was?” I’m taking lunch on the sunny back porch of the ALC I work at these days and I overhear this conversation between two young people.

One of them is holding a screen in their left hand, the other young person looking perplexed and shrugging at them, “oooh kay?”

“So nine eleven was basically, it was basically this thing where planes just started flying and crashing into really important and really tall buildings and at first they thought it was an accident but then they realized people were doing it on purpose and a lot of people were hurt and killed and it was really sad. It was a really sad thing that happened a long time ago, my dad was you know like younger when it happened.” In the background of this description, the young person is playing a youtube video that I can’t see, but I can hear whooshing planes, crashes, and recorded phone calls coming from it.

“Wow,” the other young person half listening, half eating.

“I know. It was horrible, but wanna know the one good thing actually did come from it?”

At this point, I am on the edge of my seat wondering what beliefs about security or senseless wars I already feel compelled to interrupt with before they share them–

“The good thing is that Gerard Way, the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, got so depressed and didn’t know what to do, but then he started making music to make a difference and to feel better.”

“Wow.”

Wow. I am sitting there two days after the shooting in Uvalde Elementary, full of sadness at the loss of 19 young people and 2 teachers, and I am wondering about grief. I am wondering about the fear I had when I was the age of those young people and the ones beside me sharing stories of a tragedy I remember leaving school for, confused and scared that my mom and dad were blown up. 

I am wondering about the stories we make with these fears and how that impacts the way we interact with young people. I am wondering how these events can shape my daily life as I facilitate safe, self-directed learning for young people–how I can manage my own fears so they don’t spill out onto these young people I support. 

I am wondering what safety looks like for learning and how we can maintain security in the face of a world that, if it felt like it was changing in 2001, it is a whole other universe today in 2022. 

I am wondering if I have the words to tell them how glad I am they are alive.

“Does his music make you feel better?” I ask

“Oh yea, oh definitely.”

“Good.” We smile.

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER?: Is it direct action to prohibit gun violence and defund the gun lobby? Is it a meditation on managing anxiety in a moment of chaos? Is it listening to some calming music or My Chemical Romance? Ask yourself what you need and devote 5% of your day to giving it to yourself and feeling a little bit more comfortable.